Mr. Crooked NoHead (1914-6 August, 2013) was a NoHead and the Grandmaster of the Order from 1991 to 2012. He was a scientific mastermind possessed of a calculating intellect with an obsession on shaping the future, and the father of two infamous criminals — Mykew Hadeline and Mr. Stupid NoHead. He met his doom at Paige’s hands during the NoHead Cataclysm, which ended the First NoHead War.



Mr. Crooked NoHead’s grandfather, Mr. Wretched NoHead I, found him actually before he was born, though they were both mystics obsessed with immortality. Mr. Wretched NoHead had spent much time searching for such secrets.

Early lifeEdit

Mr. Crooked NoHead was born in a nursing chamber in the fifth NoHead Base to Mr. Wretched NoHead II.


After being selected as an apprentice by his father, Mr. Crooked NoHead became a NoHead apprentice. Together, he and his Master devoted themselves to the Grand Plan. One of the schemes they devised was the development of a targeted virus that would completely sever the police’s access to weaponry; yet despite spending years developing the virus, the project was ultimately a failure. Mr. Crooked NoHead eventually came to see the dark side not as a kind of malevolent mystic sentience bent on spreading suffering throughout the world but as an energy source, which could, like any energy source, be manipulated.

When Mr. Wretched NoHead began to upset his son’s plans, Crooked killed him. Mr. Wretched NoHead’s ghost used transfer essence to enter his body and foresaw his death at Paige’s hands. With that, the vengeful ghost used his powers to permanently cripple Mr. Crooked NoHead of his ability to see into the future. However, that power seemed to reappear a day after Mr. Wretched NoHead’s murder, as he had received a vision of the Battle of Palmyra.

Life as a father Edit

In 1950, Mr. Crooked NoHead met Mrs. Wretched NoHead and the two bonded and fell in love. Crooked married her two years later.

In 1968, Mykew Hadeline, who had been bailed out at an early age, was located and adopted by Mr. Crooked NoHead. Mrs. Wretched NoHead assisted in raising Hadeline, who she loved very much. When Hadeline was twenty-six years old, Mr. Crooked NoHead gave Hadeline the choice to leave her parents, and her brother, to become her own villain. Hadeline chose to leave, and, after finding an unknown location as her base, she began her own criminal regime. Eventually, Hadeline became just as successful as Mr. Crooked NoHead.

First NoHead War Edit

The birth of the Dark Lord Edit

In June of 1972, Mr. Crooked NoHead was ambushed by a traitorous NoHead calling himself Mr. Blooded NoHead. Blooded engaged Crooked in a sword duel that Mr. Crooked NoHead won. Crooked appropriated the rogue’s available resources and discovered a list of mutants, as well as the base’s hidden rooms, amid others. Most important to him, he learned that Mrs. Wretched NoHead had become pregnant six months prior and had never told him so. This made him very angry.

In October, the child was born. Unlike Mykew Hadeline, Mr. Crooked NoHead hated this infant, mostly due to Mrs. Wretched NoHead’s secrecy over the affair, and named him Mr. Stupid NoHead, out of sheer spite. The infant had extraordinary potential and would turn out to be very intelligent and calm, but also arrogant and unstable. He sent NoHead to the nurseries, where he remained for the first three years of his life until Mrs. Wretched NoHead and Mr. Crooked NoHead and Mrs. Wretched NoHead came back for him in 1983. Crooked then told Wretched to leave back to the base.

Although he was inexperienced, Mr. Stupid NoHead was able to block out Mr. Crooked NoHead when he tried to read his mind, shocking Crooked greatly. From this first encounter, Crooked learned much about the young aristocrat: he was interested in politics but was shy to admit it; had a modest fondness for art and deeply desired for power and glory. Most notably, Mr. Crooked NoHead learned that the young man had never shown affection for anyone and dissed other students unless they could help him. He saw love as a human weakness that was beyond his understanding. Impressed by the child’s ambition, intelligence and motivations, Crooked told his son he had been accepted for training to become his successor as the NoHead Grandmaster. This made the boy very excited.

Although Mr. Crooked NoHead would not admit it, he was intrigued by the boy and believed he could become greater than the former once he was trained. For two days after leaving the nursery, NoHead was constantly in Crooked’s mind. At last, the Dark Lord had found a satisfactory implement for setting the Grand Plan of the NoHeads in motion; this gave Crooked an opportunity to dismantle the government from within. The Grand Plan was now underway; nevertheless, the villain never abandoned a pet project of his, an experiment in spiritual manipulation engendered to preserve his reign indefinitely.

Training Mr. Stupid NoHeadEdit

Soon after being drawn out from the nursery, Mr. Stupid NoHead began the first stages of his training, designed to “break” him as an individual in order to remake him as a NoHead, under Mr. Crooked NoHead. The Master promised to the apprentice that, although his training would be severe, they would be free of the Rule of Battle. Breaking the cycle enacted by Mr. Demonic NoHead, they would neither harbor any secrets from each other, nor experience any jealousy or mistrust in their relationship, thus serving the Darkness in concert. One winter between 1983 and 1988, Mr. Crooked NoHead headed on an errand with his son, but then subjected NoHead to intense cold that nearly killed the latter. Unaffected by the temperatures, Crooked probed NoHead’s mind, forcing him to relive his worst memories, with the goal of extinguishing any lingering feeling of emotional attachment (though NoHead was not capable of love, so the latter failed). The NoHead hoped to use his son’s hatred and desperation for survival as a tool to destroy any good in him, ensuring his evil was irrevocable. Mr. Stupid NoHead endured, asking only when the trials would be over. Crooked also had his apprentice struggle to reach him, only to discover he had been a dopplegänger, and also subjected NoHead to deprivation of food, water and sleep.

Mr. Stupid NoHead learned from Mr. Crooked NoHead over the course of many years, during which Crooked taught his apprentice everything he knew to prevent the power he had amassed from being lost forever. During NoHead’s training, Crooked gave his apprentice access to his databanks. He had mentally manipulated the police into thinking the databases were in their hands. Crooked’s lessons involved forcing NoHead to face his fears, denying him pleasures, and taking from him the things he valued. He taught NoHead that emotions such as envy and hatred, though necessary to master the dark side, were simply means to the end of casting aside usual notions of morality for a greater goal. Crooked also lectured his apprentice on the means of taking power, with the eventual goal of control over the world. Ever the academic with a desire for knowledge, Mr. Stupid NoHead yearned to learn more of the NoHead lore. However, his Master carefully concealed much information from his apprentice, and only intended to share his full knowledge at a gradual pace, depending on how much NoHead progressed.

In regard to the history of the NoHeads, Mr. Crooked NoHead was more than aware of the fact that Mr. Stupid NoHead’s desire to kill him would grow in time; only a true NoHead wanted to seize the mantle of Master through murder. But like many of his NoHead predecessors, Crooked was appalled by the tenet that commanded the training of the NoHead Master’s eventual killer. Crooked had no intention of dying by his son’s hand, or anyone else’s for that matter. Instead, he intended to break the cycle started by Mr. Demonic NoHead and Mr. Ghastly NoHead decades ago. In order to do so, Mr. Crooked NoHead wished for no secrets or feelings of jealousy and mistrust to exist between Mr. Stupid NoHead and himself. In the long run of the Grand Plan, Crooked envisioned himself as the “power behind the throne” while NoHead carried out the villain’s interests.

Battle of the First NoHead BaseEdit

In 1990, following the discovery of the Orb of Power, Mr. Ghastly NoHead ordered Mr. Crooked NoHead to hunt down the Mystic and steal the Orb of Power from him. Mr. Crooked NoHead offered Mr. Stupid NoHead the chance to come with him, and NoHead agreed. After NoHead used his feelings to sense the orb’s location, he informed his father that the Mystic was at an inn located in Edgewater. Mr. Crooked NoHead dispatched robot soldiers back to Edgewater, only to find that the Mystic was already gone. Mr. Stupid NoHead and Mr. Crooked NoHead later returned to the NoHead base to communicate with Mr. Ghastly NoHead via hologram. There, Ghastly ordered the pair to capture or kill the Mystic, preferably the former thanks to the circumstances. Crooked proposed using the Base’s superweapon to destroy the government faction that backed up the police, an undertaking which Ghastly authorized. He then revealed to Mr. Crooked NoHead that he needed to kill his brother, Sheriff Missile.

Shortly after the destruction of the four cities, Mr. Stupid NoHead invaded Edgewater in search of the Mystic. He later deemed the man unnecessary as he captured a mutant named Bladepoint, who had seen the Orb of Power elsewhere. Bladepoint was brought back to the NoHead base, where NoHead attempted to extract the map from his mind, only to learn that the boy was strong in the light side and turned his own mind probe against him. Mr. Crooked NoHead later walked in a conversation between Mr. Stupid NoHead and Mr. Ghastly NoHead, the latter asking what happened to the Mystic. The general humiliated his son by telling the Supreme Leader that NoHead decided the prophet was not longer valuable to the NoHeads’ mission, and that the boy was all they needed. He then informed Ghastly that they tracked the police scout ship performing recon on the NoHead Base back to the police station. Ghastly ordered Crooked to use the superweapon to destroy the police before they could win over the Orb’s full power. Afterwards, Crooked returned to the command center where Mr. Ghastly NoHead was, and Ghastly agreed to join the battle. He insisted that Crooked take his place, and the latter reluctantly agreed.

Subsequently, the NoHead base was infiltrated by Sheriff Missile, Joseph, and Jean, who managed to lower the shields through the aid of a captured RC-2 to allow the police fleet to attack the base. Sheriff Missile then tried to bring Mr. Ghastly NoHead back to the light, only for his own brother to murder him. In rage and grief, Joseph wounded Ghastly and blew a hole in the superweapon’s thermal oscillator, allowing police pilot Saul Cameron to fly in and destroy it, causing catastrophic damage, preventing the electric energy from being contained. When the destruction of the NoHead base was inevitable, Mr. Crooked NoHead ordered Mr. Demonic NoHead to bring Mr. Stupid NoHead to him in order to complete his training.

Mr. Demonic NoHead died in the explosion of the base, and Mr. Stupid NoHead Apparated to the command center. As this happened, Mr. Crooked NoHead recieved a tremor in the dark side that announced he was the new leader and it was up to him to furfill the NoHead mantle.

NoHead GrandmasterEdit

Mr. Crooked NoHead immediately began building a new base with the other NoHeads and robot soldiers. They also began building two other bases which were similar in design in advance, in case the second was destroyed as well. However, the second one would only be three quarters complete. As the First NoHead War continued, Mr. Crooked NoHead also made use of his alliance with the Giants and werewolves. Government soldiers fought hard to maintain resistance during the Invasion of Manhattan, which was fronted by NoHead-supporting Giants. In the following battle, many lost their lives and entire tribes of Giants were wiped out until the beasts finally retreated and went into hiding.

NoHead Empire Edit

In 1994, Mr. Crooked NoHead was informed by his son that the decision of war was obvious.

Assassination attemptEdit

In 1997, while attending Ms. Bitter NoHead’s graduation, Mr. Crooked NoHead was nearly killed by assassins in a hit ordered by Max Tegan and Sanct Security. The attack was preceded by Mr. Stupid NoHead’s kidnapping by members of Sanct Security, which Mr. Crooked NoHead had made sure would occur by acknowledging his son as an acquaintance in public with Max as a witness. As Crooked focused his efforts to foil the kidnapping attempt and use it to locate Max, he was not aware that a second attack had been planned against him. Sage Preston was contacted by the assassins with the information, and immediately notified Mr. Stupid NoHead. Gravely injured and barely holding himself conscious, Crooked lashed out with the dark side against his attackers. All the others, including the employs at the front of the building, were killed. Hicks was the first victim of the attack, his head sliced from his neck.

Afterwards, Mr. Stupid NoHead, who had just arrived with Sage Preston, personally executed Max Tegan and many other members of the Gran Protectorate in the embassy. The police were unable to find any culprits behind either incident, even though the Government Investigatory Committee formed a special task force to look into the matter in the wake of Senator Kim’s assassination. Dark Lodge was not reformed.


Main article: NoHead Cataclysm
On 5 August, 2013, Mr. Crooked NoHead called an important meeting outside the fifth NoHead base. Meanwhile, Paige woke up in the middle of the night and went on a walk. During this, she saw Mr. Crooked NoHead and several other NoHeads rendezvousing at the base. Mr. Crooked NoHead was planning to blow up the police station with detonators in a crucial step to retake the world. Just as Paige prepared to report this, Mr. Crooked NoHead caught her eavesdropping on them. Crooked welcomed her into the room and, after a brief confrontation between the two, Crooked attempted to kill her by means of a death beam. Paige countered the beam with a force field, causing them to rebound. Despite Crooked and the others opening fire, Paige managed to flee the base, and rallied the message to the police. In a turn of fate, she convinced them to help her destroy the NoHead menace once and for all.

Soon after, Paige led the police in a raid against the NoHead Base. When this happened, Mr. Crooked NoHead’s skills and status marked him as a priority target for elimination by the ringleader herself.

Though Mr. Dire NoHead directed the Base’s defense the night of the attack, Mr. Crooked NoHead nonetheless played a major part that fateful night. He was in the process of giving dueling lessons to teenage apprentices Bruce and Wren Morenno when Paige began her murderous rampage. Deep within the NoHead base he prepared for Paige’s coming, directing older NoHead students such as Elana Chian in the Base’s defense. Engaging the police alongside Mr. Despised NoHead, Crooked’s efforts proved initially successful, as he managed to penetrate the occupying forces’ upper level defenses. As Paige was alerted to this, however, she went on a hunt for the NoHead grandmaster. Entering Crooked’s territory, Paige discovered what carnage had been wrought there, with dead police and the signs of battle being everywhere. Before Mr. Crooked NoHead could move against the preteen, however, Ms. Bitter NoHead confronted Paige on her own, and was slain.

As Mr. Crooked NoHead rushed into the room, he witnessed Kit fall to the mutant. Engaging Paige in the Base’s training hall along with two of his students, Bruce and Wren Morenno, they were nonetheless unable to defeat the middle grader. Paige outclassed both initiates, hurling a Force field into Bruce with one hand while she dueled Mr. Crooked NoHead with the other. After the demise of the students, Paige was forced to escape when Crooked disarmed her, though he was hot on her tail. Crooked burst through the doorway and attacked, Paige lured him to the main chamber, where he attempted to kill her, slashing at her and cutting down structures with reckless abandon. Finally, when the battle spilled onto the rooftops, Paige disarmed Crooked. Paige then knocked him over and tied his cloak to the roof. Rushing over, Paige aimed a missile at Mr. Crooked NoHead, which propelled him into a steel wall. Mr. Crooked NoHead was killed in the explosion.

Mr. Crooked NoHead’s body was later found by his son, Mr. Stupid NoHead, who had returned to the Base. NoHead personally burned the corpse of his father, in a hardly characteristic show of respect.

Personality and traitsEdit

Mr. Crooked NoHead was considered to be a mystic, despite the fact that he sought to develop an entirely rationalistic system to study power, was among the few NoHeads to have serious doubts about the existence of ghosts — even after confronting the purported ghost of Mr. Ghastly NoHead — and was similarly weary of supposed prophecies. Crooked was a devotee of the dark side, and a lover of things otherworldly and arcane. Obsessed with the prospect of eternal life and ideas of spontaneous generation, he remained focused on matters of the material world, though in later years Brute Gunray mused that Crooked had also desired a way to preserve the immaterial self after the death of the body. Although Crooked rejected common morality and interpersonal ties as artificial restrictions fabricated by the weak to control the strong, he did genuinely care for his apprentice and son, Mr. Stupid NoHead, though he believed this would also further their own goals.

Mr. Crooked NoHead was wise and possessed a logical mind, and his son Mr. Stupid NoHead believed that the extent to which he turned his sight inward was the source of his power and knowledge. When he wrote his journals on the nature of the dark side, he wrote them primarily in English, although, in a chart he drew which demonstrated a triangular relationship between the aperion, anima, and pneuma, he curiously wrote his words backwards, with backwards Arabic characters. He believed that power was to be gained incrementally, beginning with the self and culminating with control of the entire world. As his own powers grew, he became afraid of nothing but losing that power. Crooked was pathologically afraid of death, and this deeply appealed to his own father. He elected to change the usual means of NoHead succession by becoming immortal together with his own apprentice and forgoing the need for succession. Eventually, he achieved a level of spiritual control that allowed him to kill and resurrect sentient beings, as well as regenerate damaged or aged portions of his body through direct mental contact with the organs, and came to see himself as the Grand Overlord, Qi’sheng, the being free from all restrictions. However, as a result of his arrogance and his lack of precognitive abilities resulting from his dark infection, he never saw his own death coming.

Powers and abilitiesEdit

Mr. Crooked NoHead was a master of esoteric and unnatural aspects of the dark side. With it, he was able to manipulate the essence of life, a power Mr. Stupid NoHead believed was directly tied to his inward sight. Crooked could save others from death and, when his power was applied to the extreme, create new life from the mere spirit of all lifeforms. Crooked even discovered the ability to retain limits of one’s powers as a ghost, which proved very useful to his descendants, but this manner of surviving death did not appeal to him, as he was not concerned with the non-material world. He also had some familiarity with the concept of transfer essence, a technique Mr. Wretched NoHead also was interested in, but chose not to investigate it, as he desired to become immortal while retaining the use of his body of birth.

Mr. Crooked NoHead was also skilled in sword combat, although he disdained using his blade in combat, regarding sword duels as pointlessly tedious affairs; Wretched I viewed his apprentice as a master of the art. He was able to run so fast during his duel with Mr. Blooded NoHead that an onlooker would have thought him a thunderbolt racing through the halls. Crooked had on one occasion utilized dual-bladed on Max Tegan. Skilled in the more unorthodox applications of the dark side, he was skilled in conjuring illusions, convincing enough to fool even Mr. Stupid NoHead.

Mr. Crooked NoHead was a very capable combatant, absorbing bullets and then channeling it into lightning, an ability that he was also very skilled in. While fighting his assassins, Crooked was able to use a heart stunning technique to keep his own heart from failing, and conjured up a telekinetic shove so powerful, that he was able to atomize six of his assailants, and bring it around to atomize a few more. He could enhance his bellow to which it was as powerful as any sonic weapon and he was able to turn any object into a deadly projectile with just a clap of his hands.

Mr. Crooked NoHead originally had the ability to see into the future but this ability was permanently crippled after the late Wretched I used transfer essence to enter his body and foresaw his death at the hands of a female preteen. However, that power seemed to reappear a day after Mr. Wretched NoHead’s murder, as demonstrated when he had received a vision of the Battle of Palmyra. Later, days before his own death, he glimpsed events surrounding Hell Burnbottom and Sebiscuits, respectively.

Mr. Crooked NoHead was also believed to have perfected NoHead magic.


Family Edit

Mr. Stupid NoHead Edit

Mr. Stupid NoHead-0

Mr. Crooked NoHead met his son after he brought him in for training. Mr. Stupid NoHead accepted and trained in the ways of the Dark side by his master and father. Crooked only intended to keep his son alive until the NoHeads took over - permanently. Despite this, Mr. Stupid NoHead turned out to be one step ahead - he survived the NoHead Purge and took his father's place. When Mr. Crooked NoHead died, Mr. Stupid NoHead gave him a proper burial despite the former being of no sincere value to him.

Mr. Odious NoHead Edit

Jacob admired Mr. Crooked NoHead from an early age, having the same ideology as the Dark Lord. Crooked thought Mr. Odious NoHead was a loyal servant. Finally, however, Odious decided that he didn't want to serve Crooked any more, as he doubted their plans could ever be furfilled.


The NoHeads
Mr. Stupid NoHead-0
Mr. Demonic NoHead | Mr. Ghastly NoHead | Mr. Crooked NoHead | Mr. Stupid NoHead | Hell Burnbottom

Abalan | Annabeth Black | Brute Gunray | Dorphane Giles | Hell Burnbottom | L'smae | Mean King | Mr. Crooked NoHead | Mr. Demonic NoHead | Mr. Dire NoHead I | Mr. Dire NoHead II | Mr. Despised NoHead | Mr. Eradicating NoHead | Mr. Execrable NoHead | Mr. Ghastly NoHead | Mr. Horrendous NoHead | Mr. Horrid NoHead | Mr. Odious NoHead | Mr. Stupid NoHead | Mr. Wretched NoHead I
| Mr. Wretched NoHead II | Mrs. Eradicating NoHead | Mrs. Twisted NoHead | Mrs. Wretched NoHead | Ms. Bitter NoHead | Ms. Disturbing NoHead | Ms. Vulgar NoHead | Rotta Hecks | Thorno

NoHeads who Defected:

Bethany Donner | Darren Slade | Mr. Odious NoHead | Mykew Hadeline | Sebiscuits Cardarphen

NoHeads' allies:
Augustus Salt | Korolish | Lunch Money Bandit | Molly Dawson | Nolan Giles | The Gladiator | Whammo Fireball | Willie | X2 | Xydarone IV | Zira Miranda Grover
Other affiliations:
Giants (Korolish's control) | Jamboga Pine's gang | Knights of Plague | Shade Union
NoHead locations:
First NoHead Base | Second NoHead Base | Third NoHead Base | Fourth NoHead Base | Fifth NoHead Base | Bast Castle | Lioness graveyard | Lake of Tears | Imperial Palace | Mutamon (under Mr. Stupid NoHead's control) | Yellowstone